Day Dreams

When I am quiet there is a chance I am planning clever things to say to Matt Lauer when he is interviewing me on the Today show.

When I am quiet there is also a chance that I am debating some issue in my head and trying to decide where I stand on it.

When I am quiet I might be thinking about my Dad and wishing for the millionth time that I had taken a picture of him holding my son before he died.

When I am quiet there is a great possibility that I am thinking of something stupid I did in high school. I might be quiet because I am regretting that I never finished college or stayed at BYU or at least kissed Dave Honeycutt when I was in Provo, or anyone in Provo for that matter.

I complain. I mostly complain.

This is the month of Thanksgiving. So this shall be my last complainy post for a while. I will give thanks or say nothing at all until Turkey Day.

My complaint is as follows: I feel like I have to do EVERYTHING!

When it comes to this household I feel heavy with responsibility. I got the apple juice out last night to get a kid a drink. But I was also trying to get out the door to go somewhere and when I awoke this morning the juice was still left out. WHY? Obviously because I didn't put it away. Can't any one else see it and do that for me? The fridge is over crowded with old food, my job. The office looks like we were robbed, my job. Dishes, me. Toilets, ughhh, me. Dinner, baths, bedtime, dusting, trash, clutter, birthdays, reading time, me.

Why do I keep stepping over that dime sized bit of pink paper on the stairway? There is a better chance that I will get my chance to call Matt Lauer glib than there is of someone else in this house throwing that bit of paper away.

Earlier today I had a hair stuck to my sweater, I pulled it off and before I dropped it on the floor, I paused, realizing that it would stay on the floor until I did something about it and walked over to the trash where I threw it away.

In other words I feel responsible for every hair in this house. If there is one out of place, it's on me.

Oh my fellow wives, moms, females. Tell me what you dream about. And tell me, is your first reaction when you realize your toilets, dishes, or stairways need cleaning to feel heavy and to ask "why do I have to do everything"?

Note: I love my husband. Without him I actually would have to do everything. Can you say yard work, oil changes, those air conditioning filter thingies. And like most husbands if I ask for help I will get it. Don't get all Dr. Laura on me in the comments.