Stage Mom

I sat down at the computer because I had this great idea while washing tonight's dishes that we would create a Christmas Card Video on YouTube and send a link to everyone we love. We didn't send out Christmas Cards this year and I thought that as long as I keep the video short enough people would get a kick out of it.

Things were going well. I started in January and took note of the file name for the images that would be good for the video. But things took a turn and now the project has been dumped for something more important.

While searching through our photos I found lots of video of Evan. There are five of him on one night humming "Habanera". He liked the song because Mr. Fredrickson rides down his stairs in the beginning of the film UP! to the tune of "Habanera". These five videos told a far less cute story than that of a three year old who has opera stuck in his head. The louder message was that of a pushy mom. I can tell by his face and the fact that he is freshly bathed and in his jammies, that he was too tired to make a video. I asked him to say "Good afternoon my name is Russell" too often. I say "duh duh du du" trying to goad him into singing the rest (like he had been doing around the house earlier that day).

But wait there is more.

A few file folders later I found a video of Evan in his jammies with a Rockabilly hair-do, once again right after bath time. In this one I am asking him repeatedly to sing Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocket Full of Sunshine" song. Evan is wearing sunglasses and has been given Tupperware and plastic spoons for a pretend drum set. I am coaching him while my husband is holding the camera. Evan starts to sing his own song that he had stuck in his head. It was a song from They Might Be Giant's "Ready or Not Here Comes Science". But like an idiot I keep saying "Hey Evan, I got a pocket, got a pocket". If I would have just listened I would have heard my son sing "the sun is a mass of incandescent gas". My husband, who isn't an idiot, picked it up right away and started singing along with him without missing a beat. And then, because I never learn, I actually said "hey Evan, I got a pocket, got a pocket..."

Grumble. I am feeling angry with myself for being such a jackass. Must remember this Christmas not to ruin the family videos by speaking. Must remember to let my kid be a kid. Must remember that a goading parent will kill the cute in the impromptu stage of childhood. Must stop blogging and go to sleep before I confess to any other parenting flaws.

Happy Holidays, we love you, and my kids are cute, but if you don't get a card or e-mail, hope that it means I spent more time exhibiting sound character than trying to force anyone to be in character. I definitely doesn't mean we don't appreciate you.

Kinemortophobia

Well I never thought I'd be the kind of person to have an irrational fear of anything. Did you just cough the word "crickets" under your breath? Idiot. I am not talking about crickets. By the way, my fear of crickets stems from looking in the mirror and finding one on my neck. Oh and let's not forget when I was pregnant with Evan and one crawled down the back of my shirt. Eeek my shoulders just rolled together thinking about that one. My rational fear of crickets is built on my foundation of bad experiences with them.

I write today of another fear, fear of zombies. I gave up watching "Always Sunny In Philadelphia" with my husband months ago, but last night I watched the Christmas episode. There was this scene where Charlie sees a line of children at the mall waiting to see Santa and goes nuts. Charlie attacks Santa by biting his neck and when he is finally pulled of the poor jolly fat man, Charlie's mouth and chin are covered in blood. It was gross. It reminded me of the zombie's in The Walking Dead.

Every time I watch a zombie on TV I have a difficult time sleeping.

So this morning at 4 AM when Evan shouted gibberish in his sleep, (from the pet bed), and my husband sat up in bed and shouted, "what the heck was that", and I said with a snotty tone "it was Evan having a nightmare", and everyone else was back to sleep in a chirp....I stayed awake for an hour considering zombies.

Thinking thoughts like "is the door locked" (yes), "was that someone walking on the stairs" (no), "what is that in the corner" (guitar), "what was that creaking" (the house creeks), ......

My husband told me if zombies are keeping me up at night he NEVER wants to hear me complain about being tired again.

Jenny J.

There came a point this week when I hit a new low.

I was in a drive through ordering a double-single when I realized my debit card might have expired. At that point I decided I shouldn't have worn my pajamas to pick up a burger. Then I noticed that my car's hood was smoking. With no escape I planned my most genuinely surprised face. So that when my card was declined I could make "oh no today's the first isn't it" believable. Then I started adding the amount of time it would take to drive to my house, dig through mail, activate new card, drive back to burger joint to pay for cold fries. I heaved a sigh and thought "Rebecca Larson would never be sitting in the drive through in her pajamas ordering a double single with a smoking engine and an expired debit card".

Rebecca Larson is a fake name but she represents a very real person. I can think of a few Rebecca Larsons to compare myself to. She eats salad for lunch and one that she probably threw together herself because she keeps her fridge stocked with salad ingredients. She doesn't go through drive through food joints very often and when she does it is not in her pajamas. She doesn't have a pile of mail somewhere with a shiny new debit card. And her engine isn't smoking.

Things got better.

First of all the card went through. Secondly I had a double-single, delicious! Third I called my sister and she made me feel better.

Lastly, a few hours later I paid a visit to Jenny J. She took me from two inches of root regrowth to rock star. If there comes a point in your life when you need to be made into a rock star, call Jenny J. She is really good at doing hair. She works at Hair-Do. She is a working mom. She has a degree in nutrition, making her a well rounded, intelligent glamour technician.

If you want Jenny's info leave me a comment and I will send it to you.