I DO NOT want a hippopotamus

Jared

We agreed to spend little on each other this year because we sort of bought a car and our first payment is due at Christmas and we sort of were audited by the IRS again for whatever you and TurboTax did wrong in 2008 and you decided to go ahead and mail the check the 2nd week of December so now it will clear soon and so we decided not to spend lots on each other for Christmas.

So here is what I want:

• The Help on DVD - go to Costco
• Jane Eyre - the new one on DVD
• A gift card to Dillards and carte blanche on Boxing Day
• A gift card to ModCloth.com, it's dot com!
• A 2-page (or longer) letter detailing why I'm the best girl and you're glad you found me (I lived a quarter mile away) and the nice things you must be thinking about me on a daily basis but are too busy watching sporting events to remember to tell me. - I would enjoy this gift more than the others listed, and bonus, it's free. 

Dear Paul Simon

Dear Paul Simon,

For years I thought that you were saying "Mama don't take my chloroform away". I realize now that it was Kodachrome.

I'm sorry.

I'm just glad I caught this before my mother in law corrected me. That would have ruined the song forever.

Yours,

Sarah H.

P.S. could you write a song about a girl named Sarah?